Feeling much better today. Went to my brothers to clean up a bit before potentially moving in

Avoiding mucus producing foods like meat, eggs, dairy, sugar, and caffeine makes sense. Aggressively treating sore throat makes sense. I will drink alcohol if it comes time.

Avoiding smoking makes sense.

Working out makes sense

Obesity being a risk factor makes sense

I am not ok. This is a lot. My stomach is tied up in knots and ya been for days. Headaches. Fatigue. Anxiety out the ass. Every symptom makes you scared that you’ve “got it.” First positive case at the hospital. My home state/town has exploded with cases over the weekend. Officially have a “stay-at-home” order in place for 30 days. My dad skipped town after only coming in yesterday because he was so scared and didn’t know what to do. My mom started watching my daughter today. My daughter has developed a worsening runny nose and a mild cough. She was in a good mood for my mom all day but was pissed off the rest of the night.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to die or say fuck it and go work in the ER.

Life is totally fucked right now except it’s not. I have income, I have childcare, I have food, I have toilet paper. I’m one of the lucky ones that has money and family to lean on. I can’t imagine what I would do if I were in a different situation.

The whole world is terrified and it will only get worse. Could really use a silver lining right about now

My parents have arrived. We had dinner with them tonight and the baby got reacquainted. They will start watching her tomorrow.

It is nice to have them here but I just wish it were under different circumstances.

I know none of this is forever but it’s hard not knowing how long this is all going to be

This is the scariest shit I’ve ever dealt with. The things I’m hearing about how bad people’s lungs can get and how quickly is really frightening. It’s hitting young people too. The fact that people are still working when they feel ill is terrifying.

My mother is coming in to watch my daughter while my husband works from home. She is 67 years old. She feels called to help us. I will never forgive myself if she gets sick.

I can’t stay home. I’m a nurse. I have 5 years of really solid ER experience and my fear is that I will be recruited to work in the ER…and that I will have to quarantine myself from my baby for God knows how long.

People need to do their part. People need to take care of themselves. Wash their hands. Cover their damn mouths when they cough. Take their meds. Don’t smoke. Do whatever the fuck you can to stay OUT of the hospital so that healthcare workers can care for and SAVE the people afflicted.

The mood is a bit lighter today which is a blessing. My gut needs a break. I carry all of my stress there.

My kid is cute as hell.

We were approved for a home loan today 🙂

Spring is here complete with blooms and angry rainstorms

I feel anxiety in my gut. GI upset ensues.

Things change every second. Paranoia has set in. I am scared. Everyone is scared. No one knows what is happening or what is going to happen. I feel my daughter’s forehead every three seconds. I reevaluate my own symptoms and try and decide if I’m sick or just anxious as fuck.

Jobs are becoming sketchy. Daycare is dwindling their hours. Traffic has lightened.

I’m trying to be present and acknowledge that I am still very lucky. But this is a truly horrific situation

My boss at the clinic asked who has the capabilities to work from home. They will be moving to telemedicine as early as next week. She also asked who’ would be willing to work inpatient…

Sure it’s just nerves but I do feel weird today. Lots of GI shit.

This shit is getting bonkers. New York and San Francisco have completely shut down. No work, no school, no restaurants. #stayhome is the trending hashtag.

I honestly don’t even know how to process any of it. The cases and death tolls keep rising. Clinic patients are dwindling. All non-emergent scopes are canceled until April 3rd.

The only thing I do is keep going to the grocery store. Fearful of a month from now when the option to go is taken away from me. I keep drinking more coffee. I wait and I watch.

Tomorrow I will wake up and go to work. My husband will go to work. My kid will go to daycare.

I’m scared of one month from now when the hospitals are over loaded and the food supply finishes. Will we starve? Will I need go work in the ER? Who has answers?

Will we get sick?