Husband and I will be furloughed starting next week. You know things are bad when they don’t have work for nurses.

Life is strange. Our inspection was yesterday and we’re not even sure if we will even qualify for a loan anymore.

Have we overreacted? Or is this just what it costs to do the right thing to “flatten the curve?” Hospitals are having the complete opposite issue of overwhelm that everyone was afraid of.

This whole thing is such a mess. We are lucky though. We had my brothers house to stay in temporarily; much more space, crib is already here, and our dog has a backyard. My mother was able to come in and watch our daughter while we both worked. My parents say they can help with the house. Everyone is healthy. It could be so much worse.

But I can’t help having those feelings of why. Why now? Why couldn’t our furloughs have been a month or two from now? Why did we lose out on 6 houses before? Why did we get this one?

But I’m also oddly calm with it all. I do feel like everything will be fine. I have options. And my family is all going to get through this together.

But I need to focus on progressing instead of regressing. I’ve leaned on cigarettes to help soften some of the blow and that just needs to stop for obvious reasons. I need to work out more. I need to eat better. Get fit. This is no time to wallow in self-pity. I’ve got too much shit to live for

So much on the brain right now. My husband’s employer is threatening furloughs. He will probably be one of them. My clinic is being monitored closely for productivity. The clinic getting shut down is definitely not an impossibility. We put in a seventh offer on a house.

The pandemic rages on. Who knows for how long. A big part of me wants the social distancing measures to end. The other part obviously doesn’t want people to get sick. But damn, we can’t go in like this indefinitely

I like to fill my brain with bullshit. Everyday I consume massive amounts of complete useless bullshit that only makes me feel bad.

I’m exhausted by the time I get home and all I want to do is lie in bed to consume a bunch of nonsense. I’ll do it for hours

Everyday I long to work in the ED. I definitely have a grass is greener syndrome.

Healthcare is one giant mind fuck. It’s a weird mix of shit that’s way too important and shit that doesn’t fucking matter

I am burnt out. I don’t care anymore and I need to leave.

The same with my husband.

The same with my daughter?

I want to get away from all of it. I feel trapped and don’t know how to deal.

The process of buying a house is either given too much thought or not enough. Staying at my brother’s in a really nice neighborhood has really ramped up my desires to own a home. We’ve made 3 offers and have lost on all three.

If only I had a crystal ball and knew whether or not the economy was going to crash. It would make holding out much easier.

The first baby in the US died from it 4 days ago in Illinois. I just found out today.

My daughter is 15 months old. I bought her an Easter basket yesterday and planned out her Easter outfit. She just said I love you for the first time yesterday. The in-laws come to see her nearly every weekend. They stay in the backyard, keep their distance, and wear masks.

My sister came in to the house last night for dinner and didn’t do any of that shit

I don’t know what the right thing to do it